After hitting a low point, clawing myself out for a few months into the light of the “real world” only to detonate myself and a few innocent people around me (not literally for those that might be frowning or gasping in a concerned way), I’m back here “blogging” and reading other people’s “blogs.” Melodramatic opening, I know. Sorry, not sorry. I’m at the bottom looking up again and wondering how the hell do “normal” people do it? (Begin “Appeasing Statement.” No offense to serious bloggers. I’m not implying that the blogging sphere is necessarily “the bottom.” Just that I end up here when I personally hit “the bottom” emotionally. End of “Appeasing Statement.”)
Time for some self reflection, poetry and art to cheer me up, bolster me for the next big failure of my life. Haha. Damn is it hard not to be self-depreciating. Maybe I should take one of those courses that help you suppress your “id” and become one with the world around you. Hard not to see that as willfully guzzling the poison that up until recently you’ve only been sipping. Do I sound like I’m whining? Don’t answer that, I might be forced to come through the screen and slap you.
Some random thoughts I had to get out. I’ll post some poems over the next few weeks if anyone cares to read them, doubt they’ll be much good but they are, shall we say, therapeutic.
Sorry you read this thinking it might be entertaining, but then feeling as hollow and disappointed as a child leaving a cut rate amusement park with nothing more than sticky hands and a ragged teddy bear missing an eye to show for your efforts when you reached the last few sentences without even uttering a single amused grunt.
You write “I am worth it” all over a blank piece of paper in order to convince yourself of that fact. Twenty minutes later you have a cramp in your wrist and a very desperate and sad looking piece of paper. The worst part is, this isn’t even a suggestion from your therapist. It was your idea. Hahaha. Funny.
Anyway, here’s to hoping everyone else is having a better day.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, creepy kitty…
Today I started a “Happiness Cat.” It’s like a “Happiness Jar” but I used a cat instead, since I don’t have a jar. Not a real cat. That would be inhumane. And messy.
What’s a “Happiness Cat” then, you may ask? Or not. I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s a ceramic cat (or jar, or bottle, or fish bowl, preferably empty and clean) that you put slips of happiness into. Every day, at least once, you write one or two sentences about something that brought you joy (or at least mild amusement), and put them into the cat. (The ceramic one.)
Then, if you’re feeling blue on a particular day (or every night) you can reach a hand into the cat and pull out a bit of happiness (…again, I feel the need to stress the ceramic cat. Otherwise, one or both of you may end up in an emergency room.)
I ripped the idea off of someone’s Facebook feed, who ripped it off of someone else. Please feel free to rip it off again, for that’s the beauty of the internet, really.
I love the snap and pop of the cap coming off a beer, the clatter as it falls on the counter, and the cool smoke that pours out the newly exposed opening. And the first sip- cold glass on your lips, amber, sweet, bitter, and hoppy, cool goodness flowing into your mouth. So refreshing.
I could write ads for beer companies.